Tuesday, March 16, 2010

Stay The Hell Home This Weekend! Boycott Repo!

Hey there, grave-robber. Can't get it up if the girl's breathing?

Miguel Sapochnik, you suck.

Forest Whitaker, I had to watch Ghost Dog to remind myself that I don't hate you, but you're on notice.

Jude Law, not even eXistenZ can save you. You're off my cool list.

Liev Schreiber, RZA and Alice Braga, bad bad bad. (And Ms. Braga, as an enormous fan of City of God and Blindness, it breaks my heart to say that.)

Now, everybody boycott the hell out of this rip-off Repo movie this weekend.

I’m fairly certain this lame-rip-off of a movie will not feature:

a) Anthony Stewart Head sticking his arm up a guy he just gutted and doing a ventriloquism routine with his hollow corpse.

b) A homicidal but irresistibly attractive Skinny Puppy lead singer.

c) Paul Sorvino singing with his best Italian fat guy opera voice.

d) Paris Hilton’s face falling off.

e) The little girl from Spy Kids all grown up and disturbingly hot.

f) The greatest rock and roll movie soundtrack since"Rocky Horror."

So go to your local Best Buy or WalMart or wherever and buy, don't rent from NetFlix, don't download it, but buy a copy of "Repo! The Genetic Opera."

And it's saying something about "Repo Men" when I'm advising you to visit your local WalMart rather than go to the movies, is it not?

"Repo! The Genetic Opera" is the real movie.

You will not be sorry.

Like a mop, or a broom.

No one likes a thankless job.

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